Wally Bear and the NO! Gang (1992, NES) by American Video Entertainment

Current Any% Leaderboard (speedrun.com)

Oh, dear.

Oh, oh dear.

Words, cannot, describe, how frustrating this game is. Perhaps this Twitch clip might suffice:

This game wasn’t endorsed by Nintendo? Gee, what a surprise! Mediocre graphics are a standout, when you talk about awful sound effects, repetitive music… but the controls. Good GOD the controls. Slippery, awful momentum-based movement makes this a chore just to move. See, Wally Bear is on a skateboard. And he must ollie onto platforms. The problem is, Wally Bear keeps moving. And these platforms are so tiny that Mario would have issues landing on them. Combine that with awful collision detection on the platforms, and you see why I was so angry.

But it gets worse.

The enemies are random. They are unfair. The game forces you into unavoidable damage scenarios, and when you take damage, Wally slows down! Not only is this bad for the speedrun, but it makes him more vulnerable! In a nutshell, you have to be perfect, or you lose both time and your sanity.

When I finally got through to the final stage with speed, I thought I had it in the bag. I had a slim chance at the WR, but honestly at that point WR was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to beat this game and move on. And when I finally did… the cartridge was punished and my retribution was complete.

Don’t play this game. It’s terrible. Top-5 worst games in the trials so far. Can I rate lower than an F?